nico-nico's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- flames of the stove. why can't my mind ever just quit? why must i be full of so much information that to simply relax and recoup from everything that the past year has dealt me turns instead into messy and blatantly uncomfortable soul searching? it's come to the point of wondering whether or not my mind is pregnant with thoughts or if instead the world has implanted a parasite in there instead. or perhaps i've been cursed. i know some mother fuckers who would love to throw shade my way. it's times like these (DAMN MY TWENTIES!) that i think i want to get married, despite all the bullshit that it entails, have kids and be the whole success story. but what fresh hell will that bring? is there ever an end to this questioning of who i was, who i am and who i will be? why can't i ever just be content in the moment that i have with both myself and the universe? i realize that this shall pass, but then to what? if this time is for me, and now that i've disconnected a solid part of my identity, why must i live in so much fear of who i may or may not be, knowing that it can all change in an instant? truth is, i'm just waiting for something to change it all, and this time for the better. 9:19 p.m. - 2009-05-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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